Saturday 18 February 2012

AN ERUDITE NATION

We are very erudite people. Indians in general are. Mind you, only some of us even more so.The world is told ad nauseum how in this nation of 1.2 billion people less than one-third can read or write and that even fewer can do those things and add and subtract as well. The population that can read, write, add, subtract, and take the nth root, all at once, must be countable on one finger. But we can all multiply and do that very well too. Division is best left to the British - who specialize in it - and to our politicians. It will be safe to say that those who can do all the above and integrate and differentiate as well is practically zero. I would have said zero, but there is the slight chance that there is that one person somewhere in the darkest corner of Bihar who has made it his life's mission to do all these things simultaneously in some sort of grotesque mathematical multi-tasking.

Such facility with mathematics is grotesque because it is not natural. Consider the fact that many primitive tribes do not have a plural in their primitive languages; they just repeat the word for a mammoth or lion to mean more than one. The problem is, if you kept  repeating "the lion" ten times to indicate having spotted a pride of ten lions, by the time you finished counting you were breakfast for the lions. So the prehistoric people kept it neat and tidy - if you spotted lions you start saying "Lion" and after the second time you winged it faster than your neighbour. What I mean is that notwithstanding some dubious research, we humans are not hardwired for mathematics. In any case not the ones who survived the predators. There are exceptions and Chennai seems to provide most of it.

As part of being erudite we are also a nation of men and women of letters. Literally. Letters that we prefer to affix before and after our names: Dr, Mr, Mrs, BA, MA, MBBS, MBA, Phd, etc singly or in combination as in BA; MA; BEd. Our first President had a Dr affixed infront of his name. So was our second and then our third after which the standards took very precipitous dive. After that one's proximity to G was more important than academic credentials. The G's themselves shunned academic credentials.

Down south standards actually improved. We not only have educated men and women in our political class, but they in addition were Artists, Great Man of Knowledge (this title has so far only been bestowed on one person,  by common consent), Professor, Revolutionary Leader, Captains, Majors, Field Marshals and sometimes hyphenated combinations of two or more of these. These prefixes were in addition to and not in place of BAs. and MAs  which they preferred to affix after their names. Sometimes you had the slightly oxymoronic Dr.So-and-so, BA; MA.

We love to encourage erudition. We do this by starting engineering colleges and Universities at every venue possible and some impossible ones too. If we had the Himalaya ranges running through  the south, they would be festooned with colleges and universities of various types. Naturally they would have titles like "Highest Engineering college"  for men, women and even those in between. Where the average Westerner would prefer to enjoy a ski-slope we would prefer to study inclined planes. Rain shine or snow we pay respect to the goddess of learning. Er, not learning, really, but "diplomas". This last named is actually not accepted in the South. A "diploma" holder is not really in the same league as a "degree" holder. For example if I had a diploma in automotive engineering (in other words a car mechanic), I wouldn't want anyone to know it. A diplomat, on the other hand, especially the eponymously named malted spirit, is much sought after.

We had a few Chief Ministers who were men of letters. The grand old Chanakya of Indian politics authored an accessible interpretation of the Mahabharata. We then had The Great Wise Man and then The Artist, both with MAs after their names and an artist who was universally known by three initials. Some of them  wrote screenplays for movies and the others acted in them. They were all regarded as men of letters because one way or another they had a lot of letters in front of or after their names.

The highest form of expression of an opinion as also of our erudition is a letter to the Editor of The Hindu, our venerable and soporific newspaper. "I shall write a stinker to the Editor of The Hindu" was and still is considered the ultimate threat which made many quake in their boots. The unshod peasantry didn't care one way or another.

The current chief minister continues this fine tradition of erudition founded on our  learning. Except that she  writes "strong" letters to the Prime Minister. On nuclear power stations, dams, fishing, and terrorism.

She has no letters after her name but plenty in front of it..

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